Monday, June 2, 2008

Fifth Monday


Things are going okay in da Woods. The cottonwoods are flowering right now, so the edges of the woods are all frosted in white. I took some photos of the current flowers -- here are some of my favorites.


dd, Marie and I met with the Hospice admissions people Tuesday. She's still basically in pretty good shape, but she's been losing weight pretty steadily (We didn't have any weights to prove our case, but dd was able to show how Marie's back brace is nine inches less in circumfrance than it was last year). With the VNA ready to switch nurses anyway, we figured it would be a good time to make our own move.


We spent an hour or so with two nice women, and it was determined that Marie can be admitted to their program under a 'failure to thrive' diagnosis. That has to be re-evaluated every three months, and if they decide she's thriving, we'll have to go back to the VNA. Day-to-day, it won't be much different. We'll get a bath aide three days a week instead of the two times that we're doing now, and they might be able to get some volunteers to cover a couple more hours a week. dp left her state retirement pension death benefit to Marie, so we can afford to cut back a little on Pathways adult daycare for private staff.


We all think Pathways is a good thing for Marie, but the bus trip can be hard on her. In theory, dd and I are now job-sharing the care coordinator job so that I can phase myself in to overseeing Marie's care. dd's ready to phase herself out -- eldercare administration has never been a field to which she aspired...


I took the day off today -- I'm realizing with 20/20 hindsight that Mondays are particularly bothersome -- today is the five-week anniversary of dp's death. On the flip side, though, It occurred to me this weekend that I'd been carrying around a fair amount of fear for the last year. Realizing your greatest fear is actually kind of liberating -- now that dp has actually died, I'm pretty much freaking fearless.

5 comments:

dd said...

I hear ya. I felt freakin' fearless myself for a while when Bree had Cancer. I still feel the change a little... more courage maybe. Certainly wasn't feeling fearless much lately huh-uh.

Anyway good to hear you feeling strong.

love.

Lauren said...

I think there is something amazing in the realization. In the hindsight you see just how much that fear shaped things...and when it actually happens and life keeps moving, there's a sense that there's almost nothing you can't do.

The flowers are beautiful! I would love to see some birds, if you happen to catch any on film.

All my love :)

nancyturtle said...

I think this is a good step for Marie's care plan. (That's nurse-speak) I noticed the weight loss in April and didn't see any improvement in May. I think Hospice will place more emphasis on making Marie comfortable as opposed to trying to "fix" anything.
As for my thoughts on the "Fifth Monday", I think that will be a new post, maybe tomorrow. I will say that I sensed Kevin's relief that the nightmare was over, as much as he and the rest of us would like to have the real dp back.

Cranium Man said...

There's a blog theme to consider: what we choose to be afraid of. I'm fascinated by the rules we inadvertently make for ourselves. Do we always know when we're navigating out of fear?

And who says fear of the unknown isn't reasonable?

Just stirring the pot here.

To torture the nail-in-the-leg metaphor still further, the best thing about having a nail in your leg is how comparatively simple things are after you finally remove it. (In this case, the "nail" would be the horrible process of cancerous death, rather than DP herself, who is probably raising an eyebrow and offering "I beg your FUCKING pardon!")

Anonymous said...

I can empathsize with the 5 week reference. I remember after my accident, first you count the days, then the weeks, then after quite a while the months...reminded me of how we kept track of our baby's ages...when else do you say 9 or 10weeks? I also can empathsize with the recognition of anniversarys even if it's only a week or 5 weeks....and comparatively speaking, mine wasn't nearly as bad. And I understand what dd says too, over time it passes,maybe that's not always good. Love you, Katie